I’m hiding naked in my closet because there are mattress delivery men in my bedroom and no one thought to tell me so I was just doing my naked thing after my shower and then I was very unceremoniously shoved into my closet and I don’t know how long I have to be here I don’t have snacks or anything
update: I found a chocolate bar on my shelf but also my phone battery is at 20% I feel like bear grylls
don’t you have clothes in your closet
im not gettin texted back but im not worried bc i know that God Is Fighting My Battles
lets stop calling middle aged people that are sexist and racist “traditional”
what do you call your skeleton brother
Please turn off your computer until you have learned to make good puns.
my favorite thing in stories is when the antagonist doesn’t die, but instead they realize they were being kind of a stupid dick (maybe because the protagonist saved them or something) and then they have to kind of awkwardly tag along with the heroes in order to make up for their mistakes and gradually become slightly less evil
caterpillars have the ideal life. they eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
*white highschooler voice* im just honest w/ my parents about my drinking and smoking and they respect that. forreal dude you should just tell your parents straight up what you’re doing and theyll appreciate it :)